I feel like I am regressing back into my teenage self. It feels like the world is somehow aligning itself the same way that it had been pre-covid. Why do I think this, you ask? Two reasons:
First: Harry Styles’ new album is out tonight at midnight. I am stoked!
In my middle school years, I was obsessed with One Direction, and, later, Harry Styles’ solo career. His self-titled album came out when I was 13 years old– which was old enough for it to give me a musical superiority complex. But I think it was particularly special to me because it influenced my idea of what music must look like, shifting my expectation of predictability or formulaic-ness in most of the media I consume. Particularly, I felt moved because the album featured very few electronic instruments (if I remember correctly, an omnichord, synthesizer, and some electric guitar/bass?) I had never heard anything like it! It had such an effect on me, it made me swear off pop music for a year (which is insane, because I am probably one of the most avid pop-lovers you’ll ever meet…)
I really wish Harry would go back into rock, but his work since Fine Line has gotten so popular. If I were him, I would never look back.
Secondly, I have a crush for the first time in almost a decade.
He doesn’t go to my university, but he lives in the same state as me. He is one of my roommate’s childhood friends. I met him for the first time two weeks ago. We played board games all night, and he ended up leaving in the wee hours of the morning. In that time, I got to know him better, and realized that we are a lot alike– we are both studying Japanese, play the same video games, and have a similar sense of humor. On top of that, I think he is really handsome. He came over again last week to see us. We visited the botanical gardens and art museum, where we got to talk even more. I followed him on Instagram afterwards, and we’ve been chatting on there pretty often since then. I’ll get to see him this weekend, too!
The last time I had a crush was over 6 years ago, when I was still a dumb, wide-eyed teenager who’d never even held hands romantically. I haven’t dated anyone in almost 3 years. Every successful relationship I’ve been in (i.e., all 2 of them) were with people I met through social media or dating apps. I don’t know how flings are supposed to work when you know the person personally. It feels very easy to mess up.
So, if you’re wondering how I’m doing this week, picture a younger looking version of me listening to Harry Styles with her chin in her hands, kicking her feet, and thinking about a special someone.
Being a teenager again sounds like a nightmare, but I have some pretty cool adult-y things coming up soon:
- A Spreak trip to Copenhagen with one of my roommates!
- A trip across the state this weekend, also with my roommates
- Job interview results coming in just a few weeks
- Graduation in a little over two months (gulp,) when I will become the first person in my entire family to earn a bachelor’s degree ☺️
I feel excited and grateful for what's to come, though I'm not really sure what that is, yet.